The World Race - Aly Beeler

I got in a fight...

Wed, 21 Sep 2011 00:00:00 GMT

...with myself.

I dont get it.

I dont understand why I just completely shut down in that conversation.

Fight or flight? Yeah, that was definitely me in classic flight mode.

It doesnt make any sense. The conversation wasnt directed at me.
It wasnt even about me.

Somehow it pushed some really deep buttons or pulled some serious triggers.

Welcome to a conversation with myself in my head. Inflect a little frustration or anger in with the previous words. Recognizing my reactions in a situation without understanding a valid cause usually brings those feelings to a certain degree. The now healthier side of this has come with directing this frustrated, possibly angry conversation in my head to the Lord. Go check out some Psalms before you judge. David did it.

I thought I was over the hurt.

I didnt think those triggers were there anymore.

Why? Why in the heck is that my reaction? I thought I dealt with that.

Im worthy of being fought for.

What does that have to do with this? Wait a minute, thats not what tonight was about.

I was feeling just the opposite.

Oooohhhh.wow.

Paradigm shift happens when I realize the trigger behind the shut down, frustrated, anger tinged response. I realize something

Im hesitating because I dont know if this would make sense to an outside eye. Share this with others. Sure, why not. Well, maybe because it might not make sense. Someone tell me if it doesnt.

I am worthy of being fought for.

(Pause)

I am worthy.

(Another pause. Frustration and anger are slowly dissipating.)

Wow. I actually believe thats what the Lord says about me.

Even if thats not what I feel others might say about me.

And Id rather believe what the Lord is saying. Sook.

Ive been creating my beliefs about myself from the people and situations around me. Not from what the Lord is saying about me.

So in a conversation where I was reminded of the past and the lies of Youre not worthy started to creep in, I threw up a wall of defense. Well, actually in reality I totally checked out of conversation, started playing Frozen Bubble Plus on my phone and went home early.

While climbing the stairs to my apartment, as I hear the thoughts of Im worthy of being fought for click in my spirit, there is a reaction of peace and settledness (spell check is saying settledness is not a word. But its describing my life, so I say it is a word). Peace is coming as Im learning day by day to recognize where the frustration, anger or shut downs are coming in. Replacing what Im believing about myself through circumstances or other people with what the Lord says, what He calls me.

Its good. Its hard. But its so, so good.

Exposure

Fri, 29 Jul 2011 00:00:00 GMT

I walk into the Atlanta airport, wondering How in the world am I going to find them? Im looking for 19 college-age students who have been told to arrive at between 2 and 4pm for "Training Camp for their Real Life Exposure trip. I know after hanging out with me in Atlanta for two days, they are flying out for Swaziland and South Africa to spend a month in ministry. But thats it. So, again, how am I supposed to find them?

I start laughing as I walk into the massive airport atrium, marked by a large statue of a TRex and a scattering of army guys recently back from a tour. Right in front of me is a group of young adults, surrounded by backpacks, smiling and chatting with each other. I dont know if its the backpacks, the characteristic Chacos, or the air of We dont know what were doing right now, but were ok with it but I knew this was the group. After introducing myself as their trainer and trying to store away 19 names in a matter of five minutes, we parade out to the hotel shuttle.

For the next two days we all hang out in Atlanta. We talk about why theyre going to Africa. What they want to do with their lives. Why theyre questioning their faith. How to stay safe in Africa. What the Lord has been saying recently, or simply confirming that the Lord can speak to them. Love is absolutely overflowing in my life during this time. I cant explain why Im here, other than to tell them a little bit about my experience, pour out some of the lessons the Lord has hammered into my life, and hug all of them before they boarded the plane.

During my time with this amazing group, I felt more exposed than I had since my arrival back in the States. Answering questions, leading discussions on "Travel Safety" and then "Listening Prayer", I was pouring out so much of my experience on the Race. I think I talked more in two days than I think the first two weeks of being home.

It was sooo good! It reminded me of a quote that I wrote in my Bible at some point on the Race:

Don't hold on to what God has given you. It isn't about what you have. It is about what is coming out of your life.
Let yourself be poured out.

The blessing of letting that happen - of letting my experience and words and hopes be poured out - was absolutely amazing. It was so invigorating to spend time watching these 19 stepping out and rising up to so much more in their faith! It re-kindled my desire. It's given me so much hope for what is actually possible in this generation.

Serving. Giving. Loving.

Fri, 22 Jul 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Ive been back from my Race 72 days. And completely on-the-go since then. Road trips and training camps, adjusting and readjusting. And now, its official. This is the longest I have been living in one American town in the twelve months of my life. Thirteen days. Impressive, eh?

I feel like going off on some tangent about transition. About making life decisions. About how one small decision after another, one footstep after another lead somewhere new and completely different, yet so right. I feel like sharing my thoughts on a note that was handed to me on our flight back to the States: Thank you Lord for transition, the most dangerous time of our lives. And maybe I will sometime soon. For now, let me just share where those footsteps have led me.

The town Ive been living in for the last thirteen days - Gainesville, Georgia. The small decisions and continual footsteps that have gotten me to this point - there are so many.

Heres what I knew while making my whats next? decision:

Service, giving, loving - I want those to be things that define my life, not a year I experienced.

The World Race - I love the children I got to hold, the words I got to speak, the stories that became mine. I love the catalyst that this trip was in my life and want others to have the same chance to live in this catalyst.

Andi, Jimmy, Jess, Patrice, Ashley, Jenny, Jacob, Erin - These are all people who are serving here in the States. They are the ones who got me and my squad on the field, encouraged me in the hard times, answered phone calls at 3am, believed I would find something deeper in my walk of faith, and so much more. They are all staff at Adventures in Missions.

So here I am. Gainesville, Georgia. My next steps have led me to an apprenticeship with AIM. Its so good to be here. To be around these people. To feel something reignited as I get to talk to college students about their heart to go out to the nations.

Sometimes I stop and think, This is not normal. Moving here less than two months after being home; not having a place to stay for two weeks, which has turned into five weeks; going back to a life of living off support. Slightly crazy, eh? (Apparently I hung around too many Canadians last year with all these ehs that keep popping up.)

Me and some O squad friends at the World Race Training Camp in May

Heres the sweet, amazing, mind-blowing thing. The Lord still provides. Here. Ministry still continues. Here. Even though there are still many people I want to see and sit down with and catch up on life with, there have been overflowing blessings of people to live life with in Gainesville. I have a place to stay for the five weeks I dont have my own home. And again, the Lord is bringing me people to partner with me financially in this ministry. Its so good!

As Im working with AIM to get more college students out on the field, Im also working to raise the financial support needed to live life in Gainesville. I would love, and need, more people to partner with me in this ministry. The Support Me! tab on the left side of the page will lead to a donation page. Im looking for ministry partners to donate $25, $50 or $75 a month. Any and all support is greatly appreciated!

Songs, lyrics, thoughts and prayers

Fri, 24 Jun 2011 00:00:00 GMT

One of the first things I wrote as this World Race journey started, even before I knew about the Race, included some "Life Theme Songs", songs that resonate with where I am in life at the moment, voice my heart or carry my prayer.

Here are my "Life Theme Songs" from this year. Originally this list was meant to be given to my squad at our final debrief. The thoughts and prayers I wanted to include never really got "finished" so this list has been sitting on my desktop for the last month. So even in it's uncompleted state - here's to the squad who was with me throughout these seasons, the experiences this year has held, the lessons I've learned and will still be learning in ten years, the God who allowed me the honor of living this year in these places with these people.

1.    Where You Go Ill Go, Brian and Jenn Johnson. Romania. June 2010.
2.       I Will Not Be Silent. Jonathan David Helser. Ukraine. July 2010.
3.       Let Go Now. Kelanie Gloeckler. Ireland. August 2010.
4.      The Anthem. Jake Hamilton. The Awakening. Early Sept 2010.
5.       Come Up Higher. O Squad. Ireland Debrief. Early Sept 2010.
6.      Wavin Flag. Knaan. Going into Africa. Early Sept 2010.
7.       God of the Angel Armies. Jonathan David Helser. Kenya. Sept 2010.
8.      You Will Not Relent. David Brymer. Uganda. Oct 2010.
9.      See me Through. Tim Reimherr. Uganda. Oct 2010.
10.    Awaken Us. Cory Asbury. Africa. Sept-Nov 2010.
11.     Waka Waka. Shakira. End of Africa. Nov 2010.
12.    Come Walk with Me. Frontline Worship. Asia. Dec/Jan 2010/11.
13.    We Are Yours. Charlie Hall. Asia. Jan 2011.
14.    Finally I Surrender. IHOP. Cambodia Debrief. Jan 2011.
15.    I Saw What I Saw. Sara Groves. ATL. February 2011.
16.    I Knew What I Was Getting Into. Misty Edwards. Nicaragua. March 2011.
17.    Flags. Brooke Fraser. Nicaragua/Hondruas/El Salv. March 2011.
18.    March On. The Autumn Film. El Salvador. April 2011.
19.    The Call. Regina Spektor. Guatemala. April 2011.
20.   Hymn. Brooke Fraser. Every continent. Ending prayer - May 12^th, 2011.

To O Squad....

Where You Go. Where you go, Ill go. What you say, Ill say. I think this is a good summary of what we all told the Lord as we left the States, quit our jobs, put our lives into backpacks and set out to the world. Continue to pray this prayer as we get back to the States, figure out whats next, unpack our backpacks and decide how were going to continue to go, pray, say and surrender.

I Will Not Be Silent. You were born to worship. You were born to speak out the wonders of the Lord. You arent here - wherever that is now - to be held back by fear.

Let Go Now. I have always loved the line Take me by the corners of my soul and shake me. Anyone else feel like thats happened this year? Anyone feel like itll probably happen again? Its good stuff. Let go and let it happen.

The Anthem. Wake up, child. Its your time to shine. You were born for such a time as this.

Come Up Higher. I was in a bunk bed in Ukraine, sometime between 3 and 5am in the morning when these lyrics were written down. And then I got to hang around while the words were put to music. But when we all sing this song together

Wavin Flag. I will never hear this song without thinking about the last couple of days in Ireland and the time we had together at Milamani before we all spread out over Kenya. There was an excitement and a passion and a call for freedom that we soon found out we needed.

God of Angel Armies. This was a reminder to me so many times throughout Africa. As we saw what a small fire in a slum could do to displace lives, or as squadmates got sick with malaria and typhoid and parasites, or yeah, you all know what your lives held in Africa. But it was such a beautiful time to be reminded of the Lords protection and provision.

You Will Not Relent. Its all about a wedding to come. Its all about a God whos a lover.

See me Through. I'm a stranger here with You struggling inside to be a resting place for You. And I was made to be with You. I don't truly rest until I find my rest in You. So come and see me through.

Awaken Us. Awaken us. Let the light of Your countenance shine on us.

Waka Waka. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off and get back in the saddle. Youre on the front line, everyones watching. You know its you as were getting closer, this isnt over. The pressures on, you feel it. But you got it all, believe it. When you fall, get up. If you fall, get up. Cause this is Africa. This is our motto: your time to shine dont wait in line. If you get down, get up. When you get down, get up.

Come Walk with Me. Come walk with me. Speak to my heart. Whats deep in me only you know. Come walk with me.

We Are Yours. We are yours. We are a generation touched by your salvation, made by you and for your glory. Youve marked us here to alter history. So many times when I didnt have words to pray for the squad, when I felt burdened by everything that was going on, when sometimes it was overwhelming to think of how to specifically pray for each person, this is what I would pray and sing. Over and over again. We are yours. What else do we need but to know that were His, that Hes with us in the middle of it? This song screams a holy surrender to whatever He would have for us.

Finally I Surrender. All I need is You to have Your way.

I Saw What I Saw. Weve done what weve done and we cant erase it. We are what we are and its more than enough. We have what we have but its no substitution. Your pain has changed me, your dream inspires. Your face a memory, your hope a fire. Your courage asked me what I am made of and what I know of love.

I Knew What I Was Getting Into. And I see in you strength when all you see is your failure and all you feel is ashamed. I can see deeper than that. I know you better than that. Youre only at the beginning. You've only just begun and I know where you are going. And all you can see in the moment is that your hurting. And all you can see in the moment is that youre aching. Just don't give up.

Flags. I dont know why the innocent fall while the monsters stand. I dont know why the little ones thirst but I know the last shall be first. I know the last shall be first.

The Call. Just because everythings changing doesnt mean its never been this way before. Now were back to the beginning. Its just a feeling and no one knows yet. But just because they cant feel it too, doesnt mean that you have to forget. Let your memories grow stronger and stronger til theyre before your eyes. Youll come back when they call you. No need to say goodbye. Youll come back when they call you. No need to say goodbye.

March On. I have to laugh and wonder at how much older most, if not all, of us look from pictures at training camp only 11 months ago. Its impossible to explain the time warp that this year has been, the amount of life and experience that was packed into a year. At the end of this thing, some of us are tired. Emotionally, physically, spirituallyor all of the above. But heres what sings to my soul about this squad, as we continue on in this journey that is about so much more than the Race. Well run with our aging bones. We will sing with our tired lungs. Well march with our broken drums. March on to our broken drum.

Hymn. My prayer throughout the race, and even now we move on. If to distance, lives are scattered; If I sail to farthest seas, will you find and fervent gather til I only dwell in Thee. If I flee from greenest pastures, would you leave to look for me? Forfeit glory to come after, til I only dwell in Thee. If my heart has one ambition, if my soul one goal to seek, this my solitary vision, til I only dwell in Thee; that I only dwell in Thee.

Year-end Video

Wed, 8 Jun 2011 00:00:00 GMT

The start of sharing what this year has been, here's a few pictures from each country throughout the year.

Back to the beginning

Wed, 4 May 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Its 11:30 at night. Ive been lying in bed at the hostel for over an hour and havent fallen asleep yet. Other than the 6:15 alarm that will be going off for my morning run, Im ok with still being awake. Ive been listening to my O squad, near the end of the beginning playlist. Mostly worship music, with some Knaan (Wavin Flag song from last years World Cup) and Shakira (This is Africa), its a compilation of my theme music from this last year. Tonight there is peace in that.

Over the last two weeks, yes, weve still been doing ministry. A lot of times its hard to keep my mind focused on what were doing, who is in front of us. Sometimes in my head, Im already at home, figuring out how to be back in the US, what my next step will be, how I will find the time to see everyone I want to. But then, there are times when the ministry right in front of me is more than enough. And I realize - this lifestyle is how I want to live my life.

Walking into the hospital of Hermano Pedro, where children suffering from cerebral palsy actually find a home, I see a little girl staring up at the ceiling and beaming from ear to ear. I remember past times working with special needs children and again wonder, In the same way a blind person has a heightened sense of touch, do these children who are restricted physically have a freer view of the spiritual reality around us? For a few hours I get to sit with these kids, offering a touch, a bottle of warm milk, or someone to laugh at.

Another day at the same hospital, I see a woman, obviously from the States, sitting across the room with a patient. This patient calls this hospital home. Her body has restricted the care that her family can offer her, and the chance to live at this hospital for free is a blessing. This woman from the States is in Antigua to learn Spanish or to see the country, but she chooses to spend her afternoons here with these Guatemalan women.

I want to live a life that thinks about others first.
I want to see people in their suffering and have the heart to sit with them.
I want to be ready in the middle of the tragedy to be around to offer healing, whether thats physically or spiritually.

Its hard to see this time come to a close, mostly because of reality of physically moving away from the people who have called these last 11 months life with me. The amazing, gifted, ridiculous, compassionate people of O squad have my heart. We have a time coming up, starting on Friday, to debrief with each other and celebrate this year. And after that, on May 12^th, we will be arriving back in the States. This trip ends soon. This lifestyle doesnt.

Now were back to the beginning. Its just a feeling and no one knows yet. But just because they cant feel it too, doesnt mean that you have to forget. Let your memories grow stronger and stronger til theyre before your eyes. Regina Spektor, The Call.

Upsetting

Thu, 28 Apr 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Not going to add a whole lot of words to this one. I heard this song a month before the Race and found the video again today. Brings back some memories of the ministry of "Bar Street" in Bangkok, plus the reality and injustice that this ACTUALLY HAPPENS.

Easter Sunrise Adventure

Sun, 24 Apr 2011 00:00:00 GMT

I roll over in my sleeping bag to turn off the alarm on my phone. 0345 on Easter morning. Feelings of joy in the middle of a fog of sleep. I dig my jacket out of my backpack, grab peanut butter, carrots and instant coffee out of my bedside table. I walk down a flight of cold stone steps from my hostel room at Mochila International Hostel in Antigua, as always, hoping I dont trip.

0400. Twenty four hour prayer started yesterday at 0900. I walk into the common room outside two of our rooms. BCox and BP are finishing the 2-4 shift. Worship music is playing from an ipod. BCOx is creating a background of written scripture on a sketch pad, soon to hold the words He is Risen! in large bold letters.

0515. I sneak into Beloveds dorm room. Waking up BP an hour after shes gone to bed, I look over and see that Kige is already stirring. Are you going? Of course! Next to her, I attack Jenny in her bed. These few weeks in Antigua have been sweet mornings of waking her up to return her attacks of love from our time as teammates. Happy Easter!!

0535. My backpack holds the equivalent of Easter basket necessities. We find our first obstacle of our Easter morning adventure. Were locked in the hostel. Poor Eric, the doorman, gets woken up to let us out.

0550. So much joy in an early morning! Seven of us are walking down a mostly deserted cobblestone road - me, Elle, BCox, BP, Jenny, Heather and Kige. The sun hasnt risen yet and theres still a mountain chill in the air. Theres laughter and smiles all around, even when the only people we pass on our walk are three stern-faced policemen.

0615. Were at the top of a hill overlooking the city of Antigua. For the first time since weve been here, I notice the top of the volcano that borders the north side of Antiguas valley. The sun hasnt come up but our hike up the hill has warmed our bodies to a light sweat. There are three other people, obviously Americans, along with the always present policemen, are up here with us. During the day there are usually more people enjoying the view, taking pictures by the large cross that keeps watch over the city. We are attempting to get one of the policemen to take a picture of the seven of us. It doesnt work. Are you wanting a picture of all of you? asks one of the Americans. We later learn hes a photographer from San Francisco - Josh. Photos taken, complete with volcano, cross and Antigua as a background. We all sit down on a bench nearby.

Here's our bench.

Worship music? The ipod and speakers are pulled out from the backpack. Celebratory music is the request. BP suggests a frolicking song, Youre the One by Enter the Worship Circle. We all sit on the bench for about five seconds. Theres a patch of grass inviting us to frolick in it coming out of BPs mouth moves seven adults to a place of skipping and moving and flowing - frolicking, even - in the Lords presence on a patch of grass, trying hard to ignore the police nearby. Is there a better, joyous, more celebratory way to ring in a Resurrection Sunday?

Not posing. This is just how we all ended up after our frolicking.

0630. Elle goes back to the Easter basket of a backpack and pulls out a few slices of bread. Also grabbing her Starbucks Thailand thermos, she rejoins our circle of seven. Do we want to ask them to join us? BP walks over to ask. Josh, Jarrod and Shantel join us for communion. Elle leads us in a prayer of thanksgiving, hope pouring from her voice. Two slices of bread are passed around with the thermos, worship music continuing to provide our background.

0650. Elle adds another piece of paper to an empty wine bottle. Notes of praise and thanksgiving written by most of us have been added to this bottle of praise.

Elle putting songs in our "bottle of praise" next to the Easter basket backpack.

0700. Back on the bench, Jenny stands up and starts reading out Psalms, starting with 126. The sun is continuing to rise, striking the top of the volcano. Beautiful way to start a beautiful day.

Psalm 126. For O Squad!!

I have one of my "How in the world do I get to be here with these people doing this?!?!" moments.

I LOVE these girls!!
I LOVE the FREEDOM to dance in worship on a hillside!
I LOVE a day to celebrate what the resurrection means!
I LOVE the Lord who has given us this FREEDOM to live a life, surrendered to Him!

Bottom row: Kige, Elle, Heather. Back row: Jenny, BCox, BP and me.

Starting the trek home...back to the hostel.

I'll be back home in the States on May 12th!! :D
Happy Easter, everyone!!

Constant Focus

Tue, 19 Apr 2011 00:00:00 GMT

I can get lost in the doing. I can entertain myself easily, which sometimes just means filling up the hours of my day. Up for an hour already, what have I done of value? Returned some emails. Read blogs I put up months ago. Sat here with a toothbrush in my mouth for fifteen minutes because I didnt want to get up and rinse out my mouth. What is going to last from this time?

Heres what I want to be doing. Spending time on my face. Seeking the voice of my Daddy. Soaking in His presence. Sharing my heart and hope and concerns for those around me with Him. Searching for what Hes saying about today. I want to be in that place no matter what's going on around me. I want to exercise my mind to be constantly focused on Him and what He's doing in the world around me. And then I want to join in with that.

That we should establish ourselves in a sense of God's Presence, by continually conversing with Him.
That it was a shameful thing to quit His conversation, to think of trifles and fooleries.
That we should feed and nourish our souls with high notions of God; which would yield us great joy in being devoted to Him. That we ought to quicken, to enliven, our faith.
That it was lamentable we had so little; and that instead of taking faith for the rule of their conduct, men amused themselves with trivial devotions, which changed daily.
First Conversation, Brother Lawrence, Practicing the Presence of God

These are just the random thoughts in my head as I sit here at a hostel in Antigua while the rest of the teams begin to get up. I just walked in the room to wake up Jenny for our run. Oh the joy of living with people who are constantly seeking the face of the Lord as well. She was already awake, reading Psalms 91. So in the middle of the "doing" I get snippets of what the Lord is saying. And then before she rolls out of bed and we both pull on our running shoes, "I want to read Isaiah 61." Good morning. Scattered thoughts. Excited for what the rest of the day holds.

Same Sun

Tue, 12 Apr 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Yet another moment I dont have a picture to share, but will never forget. El Salvador. West side of a mountain. A street full of plastic chairs, with just enough room on the east side of the street for one car to creep by, if the strollers and children are moved out of the way. Were sitting facing a makeshift stage. Podium. Speakers. (Always speakers. Every country. There are always speakers. Ive stopped feeling guilty about praying for power outages.) We - Salley, Garrett and I - are here with my team, Deep Waters for a crusade service. Garrett has been volunteered to preach. Stephanie is about to give her testimony. But for right now, were listening to songs in Spanish, as the pastors wife accompanies on the electric guitar.

I glance over to my right. A valley below us. Mountains beyond that. The sun is slowly heading towards the mountaintops, soon to disappear. And then I start thinking. About who in the world is still seeing the sun. What country is going to see the same sun set in the next hours.

Sunset over the Nile.

Weve lived in many countries and time zones in the last 11 months. Ive lived in one day, while my family in the States is still living in the day before. Ive woken up for many sunrises, while others somewhere else in the world are watching the sun set. And then Ive probably traveled to that somewhere else.

Sunrise in Namulanda, Uganda over Lake Victoria.

So nearing the end of this trip, having experienced so many sunsets in so many countries, Im amazed at how small this earth truly is. How now when I think about Africa, I think about people. I think about Africa and wonder if Joseph and Mercy and Patience are watching the sunset in Kenya. I think about Thailand and wonder if Yui ever found a job that would let her stay near her son. I think about Ireland and remember a family who spent most of their time giving - time, food, love - to gypsies, families who had left their church, and foster children. I think about Eastern Europe and hope that an orphan girl named Nastia is feeling loved and protected.

Sunrise in Phnom Penh, Cambodia.

All of them have impacted my life. All of them have been part of my story. All of them are people I pray for, think about. All of them will see this same sun set tonight.

Normal and Questions

Tue, 12 Apr 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Normal life is...
Getting baby wipes out of my backpack and laughing at the fact the label is in Thai and the baby on the package is Asian.
Pulling on a friends jacket and finding a 50 cent euro piece in the pocket.
Asking someone where they got their earrings or shirt and waiting as they deliberate Asia. No, Africa. Tanzania? No, Kenya.
Washing dishes without running water or washing clothes by hand.
Arriving at a church or crusade and laughing at the look on a team leaders face, because its obviously the look of Ok, whos going to preach the sermon? Or give the testimony? Or explain the drama in the next 60 seconds?
Falling completely in love with nine girls living at Mi Casa orphanage in three days and tearing up when we have to leave.
Frequently laughing at how little time weve known each other since this Race started, and how hard it now is to imagine life without each other.
Praying for each other with greater passion that I remember having in prayer in years.
Transitioning May 12^th.
Not so normal right now.

A lot of my thoughts these last few weeks have been about

re-entry

or the transition back home

or reverse culture shock

or whatever you want to call it.

Thoughts have definitely also been full of lots of questions. Good questions. A lot of questions I dont have the answer for right now, but Im ok with that.

Some of them are simple.
When will I get to see everyone Ive been missing?
What is my reaction going to be when I get to the airport in Montgomery?
Whats the first thing I want to eat when I get back home?
What will it be like to drive my car? How soon will I go for a swim at the Nat?
Whats it going to be like to sleep in a bed or room by myself?
When will I get to hear everyones stories about their life over the last year?

Some of them are not so simple.
How do I share everything that Ive experienced this year?
How do I remember the names of everyone Ive met?
How do I share everything that the Lord has taught me this year?
How can I possibly convey the truth Ive found in my faith this year?
How do I remember the moments of clarity and passion?
How do I keep the joy Ive found in the fight, in the suffering?
How do I share the love Ive felt for a Ukrainian orphan without being able to understand a word of what she ever said?
How do I talk about the effects of a fire in the middle of Southlands slum in Nairobi?
How do I share the day-to-day moments of life in a team?
How do I fully share what the Lord has taught me and allowed me to experience?

Heres what I know.
I know the Lord gave me the gift of living life with O squad for 11 months.
I know that I will continue to learn lessons from this year long after I get home.
I know that its been a privilege to just be with all the people weve met this year.
I know Ive found more hope this year.
I know freedom has been a huge theme of this year.
I know theres my faith is more a reality now than it has been in the past.
I know Ive made friends who will be around for a lifetime.
I know Ive experienced some of the hardest things of my life this year.
I know Ive celebrated and laughed.
I know Im grateful for this Race with these people.

Life on the road

Sat, 2 Apr 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Yes, World Racers usually travel a lot. Every three weeks, pick up, pack up and move on to another country. This month three of us-Nathan Salley, Garrett McNeill and me-get to do the picking up, packing up and moving on even more frequently. That's why there hasn't been an update about "ministry". Our location changes every three to four days.

Me, Sals and Gert starting the trek from Playa San Diego to Santa Tecla and Team Beloved.

My arrival date back in the States is coming up quickly. May 12th!! I don't have the guts to keep up with countdown quite yet, but it's forty something days. Before O squad moves into our last and twelfth country (Guatemala) on April 13th, Sals, Gert and I have the chance to travel and spend time with each of O squad's six teams throughout El Salvador.

I was excited about the chance to spend time with each team, but wasn't really giving a thought to the different ministries we would have a chance to see (confession: sometimes I can get tunnel-visioned on the amazing O squad). God quickly blessed our time above and beyond what I ever expected.

me, Garrett, BJax and Andrea with the kids that entertained us for an afternoon.
I want to go back and live with this family for a year :)

Honduras. It was just supposed to be a quick stop in to pick up Salley and move on to El Salvador. Instead, we had an amazing and entirely random afternoon in a clay house in the mountains of Honduras. Playing soccer on the smallest soccer field known to man (the space behind a house next to the wood pile). Engaging in a game of tag on possibly the most unsafe space for a game that involves running. Chasing down one of the youngest girls in the family, only to find myself joining in on a walk to the spring to pick up the families laundry. Making tortillas with Andrea and BJax, while Garrett succeeded in not killing a baby chicken, only injuring it. Remind me to expound on this story when I get to see you. Probably one of the most unexpected, amazing afternoons of the last year, but so entirely simple.

Me and Cecy, one of the youngest at Mi Casa.

El Salvador, Santa Tecla. "Mi Casa" a home for orphans, but so not a typical orphanage. 9 girls live in the home normally. Add Team Beloved, O squad's all girls team, and you have 16 girls in one house full of love. We stayed with Beloved at the home for 3 days. The morning we left started with the girls crying upstairs while I packed. Then when all the backpacks were downstairs and our ride to the bus stop was later than expected, Salley had Rosa sobbing into his armpit, the front of Garrett's shirt was wet with the girls tears, and I was attempting not to tear up. I didn't expect to become that connected to girls or a ministry that quickly. It was honestly harder for me to leave that ministry after those three days than it has been to leave some of the ministries I've been at for weeks at a time. Blessings unexpected.

We're with my team, Deep Waters, right now in San Rafael Cedro. Tomorrow we'll be moving on to San Salvador. In the middle of these last few weeks, God is teaching me things far beyond what I expected. He's refining me. Showing me more of who He can be in my life. And slowly helping me come to grips with the idea of being back in the States. :) Gotta run so we can get to the "crusade" tonight. Love this life.

Excited about...life

Mon, 14 Mar 2011 00:00:00 GMT

I recently realized (again) that I haven't exactly shared a lot of life details. Like when I'm getting home. This isn't exactly "Breaking News" because I've known for a while, but I'm pretending.

So...May 12th! Landing in Montgomery late that night. Thinking about heading home has brought about a lot of mixed emotions.

I'm excited about...
seeing so many people I've been missing
cuddling with my puppy

swimming at the Nat

                             going to the gym
                                                                                 Wednesday night youth group at Mont. 1st
              drinking Dr Pepper
                                                              getting a hot shower

But more than any of that, I'm excited about continuing this life.

I'm excited about...
                                               what the next two months hold for me and the rest of O squad

the crazy and amazing things the Lord is going to do in our lives

   living life alongside El Salvadorians and Guatemalans thru April and May

           diving deeper into what the Lord has for me

what will happen with the desire I have for more of the Lord and whatever He has for me each day.
                     what it means to rest in Him while still being compelled to live out Love every day

And while the puppy and hot showers and Dr Pepper will probably have to wait until I get back home, the rest of this is going to happen as I continue on with where the Lord has me now, and where I choose to go and what I choose to do after I arrive in Dallas airport with the rest of O squad.

Currently, I'm in Honduras for a few days. Garrett McNeill, Nathan Salley (the two guys I have the amazing privilege to lead the squad with) and I will be heading to El Salvador ahead of the rest of the squad. In El Salvador we get to travel throughout the country and visit all of our teams.

Prayers for direction are greatly appreciated. Prayers for what we're doing in the next two months are appreciated. Muchas gracias for all of your support, prayers, encouragement. It's been a sweet trip to this point, and it's going to continue to be a sweet journey after May 12th.

Amigos for Christ

Mon, 14 Mar 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Some of our time in Nicaragua was spent working with an organization in Chinindega, Nicaragua called Amigos for Christ. Yes, the name might be a little cheesy, but the ministry is one of the most legit I've come across during our time on the race. The heart and passion I saw from this ministry was challenging and encouraging and uplifting. Probably not what I would expect to say after spending two days digging a ditch. But it's true.

The four girls from Team Deep Waters after a day in the ditch.
I didn't even have to use my special "finding dirt" talent.

Our ditch-digging project took place in Chunco, a village outside of Chinindega. This village has no running water. Every morning these villagers collect water from a source outside of their village, bring in back to their homes and store it in open 50 gallon barrels, hoping that they will have enough for the day. I could be wrong on this statistic, but I believe it takes 40% of these villagers time and income to get water to live.

Part of the ditch we worked on.

The Water and Sanitation division of Amigos for Christ has started a project in this community to get running water to all of the homes in this village. Our part in this was digging a ditch to lay pipe from the tank above the village, starting towards the villagers homes. There will be teams coming behind us to continue on with this project. The American and Nicaraguan staff members continue this work even when there aren't teams in country.

Kris and Rachael working hard.

During our time in Chunco we worked alongside Nicaraguans from the village. We ate dirt. We sweated. We got blisters. It was glorious.

Tyler Samuelson working on the "rock pit" part of the ditch.

Here's another blog about some of our time with Amigos for Christ, written by one of my teammates, Rachael Ratz. She does an amazing job of capturing some of the vision held by this ministry and what our experience was walking through the Chinindega city dump which borders a community.

Our days with Amigos were some of the sweetest times of seeing Christianity lived out, of seeing Love lived minute by minute. Even when it meant dirt and sweat and blisters. Maybe even more powerfully because of the blisters.

Garrett showing off his blisters. Rachael and I went with the taped hands for day 2.

Surf. Hike. Home. Video.

Mon, 7 Mar 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Short clips of our adventure home from Jiquilillo Beach on our off day. So many moments of these few hours were encompassed with the laughter-filled question of "Is this really our life right now?"

Life in Nicaragua

Mon, 28 Feb 2011 00:00:00 GMT

At the moment I am sitting in the "Reposteria" where we eat all our meals and stay up late at night baking assorted things. Right now I'm waiting for the brownies to finish baking. :)

We're staying at the compound for Vision Nicaragua, located in between Chinendega and Chichigalpa, Nicaragua. Yes, that is a volcano right behind the building we call home.

Here's one of our friends who used to live with us.
Purposefully blurry cuz I have to sleep tonight.

Right now our ministry time is varied. For four days last week we worked in the village of Bethel, painting a church. It was a fun time to actually put hands to a project and finish the day tired.

Elle and I spent a day on the gate at the front of the pic.

There were also some sweet moments of joy in the middle of the project. When water and laundry detergent were poured out so that we could "mop" and get up all the paint spots, the kids turned the entire church into a water park and slip'n'slide.

Another sweet moment was probably the same afternoon with all the kids hanging around. One of them had some fresh tortillas, which we decided to go hunting for. So we went with Esmeralda, Maria and Genesis, trekking around the village. Esmerelda and Maria holding our hands. Genesis, the five year old, usually in one of our arms. We found the tortillas, I got a short lesson on some new Spanish words, and ended up with the three of them back at the church. We hung out at the church for a while, writing words on the tile floor with our fingers dipped in the puddles of water. We wrote out everyone's names on the tile and pronounced them in English and Espanol.

I've had more down time here this last week than any other country in the last nine we've been to. So there's been a lot of time reading, journaling, catching up with everyone, working out. Saturday we spent here at the compound. Sunday was our off day, spent at the beach playing around with a surfboard. :D

Today we went to a school for disabled children, saw their classrooms, met their teachers and heard about where they are in their classes. Our visit there ended with me videotaping and photographing a dance party in their arts and crafts room.

Tomorrow we'll be helping out with a medical clinic in a nearby village, which I'm really looking forward to. Might even wear the scrubs. :) The end of this week will probably be some more "construction" projects in Chichigalpa. Or Chinendega.

Less than three months till arrival at home! I'm hopeful for this time we have left in this group, in these countries. More on that later. Here's a few snapshots of some sweet moments.

Brilliance and Blackness

Tue, 22 Feb 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Sunset and dusk have already passed. Were all hanging out in our bunks, enjoying some down time and the chance to have legitimate internet. For whatever reason, I grab my Bible, journal and headlamp, throw on my flip flops and head outside. The porch of the clinic here at Vision Nicaragua has become a spot I like to sit and journal, but I didnt quite make it that far. Walking outside of the lit pavilion, the brightness of the stars is overwhelming. So of course, I lay down in the grass.

Random memory as I lie there and stare up at the brilliance and blackness - sometime in my childhood, while living in Quartz Hill on two and a half acres. Dads flatbed trailer for the tractor was parked in front of the feed shed for some reason. I have no idea how this happened, but Mom, Garrett and I ended up spending the night in sleeping bags on top of the trailer. I remember not sleeping much that night. There was a lot of staring up at the stars, wondering, letting my mind wander. At some point, it felt like two in the morning but was probably more like ten or eleven, I voiced a question to whoever was listening, which ended up being my mom. Do you really believe there is a God?

I dont remember the answer or any deep discussion that may or may not have followed. But as I lay in the grass in the middle of some village in Nicaragua and move back to that memory, it seems to be a reminder of a God who pursues; a God who, at least over the last fifteen years of my life since that time, has been faithful, even when I have not been. Its a reminder that in times I may not feel God is close, Hes still been there, Hes still right here and Hell still be here.

Bars, Roses and Women

Sun, 20 Feb 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Im on a plane from Bangkok to Nicaragua. Multiple hours of travel left. Plenty of time to get some words formulated to share some stories about this last month. But this is one of multiple attempts to share what we have been doing. I think this might be the most difficult ministry to explain so far. So Im just going to tell some stories and hope that you can start to piece together what life looked like this month.

Distractions and Gathering
The setting is Chiang Mai, Thailand, a city about eight hours north of Bangkok by bus. Its a popular tourist destination, full of foreigners or farong, as the Thai would call us. Its a city of distractions. Elephant rides, rafting trips, ATV tours, jungle zip lining, Western food, waterfalls, motorbikes, pad thai and sex. Someone described Bar Street where we focused our ministry as a gathering of broken people. Guys looking for love or satisfaction in alcohol and women. Women looking for money or life in working in bars and selling their bodies. Children being sent out on the street to sell roses or bracelets to the tourists who gather here.

Blue Grass Bar
One of my first nights out in ministry I hung out at Blue Grass Bar, a narrow bar on the corner of an alley. As two of my teammates were in conversation with women they had previously met, I sat on a stool near the alley and played Connect Four and Jenga. To my left was one of the girls working at the bar. In conversation with her from across the table was an elderly white man. This girl works here in the bar, drawing customers in to buy a drink or her body for the night. As I sat next to her, I was in an internal struggle. Knowing that things like this happen all over the world is one thing. Sitting a few feet from it is an entirely different thing. To be able to reach out and touch this situation of injusticewhat do you do when you can do that? What am I literally supposed to do right now? I prayed. He left. I dont know if another man came by for her that night or not.

Me and Anna at Cherry Bar with one of the girls.

Ont and Roses
There are young girls and boys up and down bar street with handfuls of roses. They come up to you in the bars offering up the roses. Ten baht? Ten baht? The story we heard was that these rose-selling children are not allowed to go home until they have sold all of their roses. If they do, they are sometimes beaten or not allowed to come home. One of the boys was Ont. Highly energetic, very little English, he usually ended up with hanging around with some of our team at least a few nights a week. There wasnt much we could communicate. But he did like to entertain us with the second grade trick of turning his eyelids inside out. Or trying to grab our cokes. Or one time almost pulling me into the moat. Another night he was sick and throwing up out on the streets. Frustratingly, theres not much to do for that. No Zofran tablets to offer the kid. He refused the Sprite Anna bought for him, but finally took the water. And laid in my lap for a while. Another night we raced each other along the moat from ThaePae gate to where the team was meeting. The last night I saw him, I was with Anna at her bar-Cherry Bar. He came in when he saw the two of us sitting there. Sat and watched some of The Princess and The Frog while it was playing at the bar. And then stole my pen and notebook.

Sitting with Ont next to the moat the night he wasn't feeling well.

Easy Corner and Yui
One more story for this blog. Close to our last week in Chiang Mai I ended up with Jennifer walking around Bar Street one night. We decided we were going to find a new bar to hang out at and see who we met. We ended up at Easy Corner, a small bar near the moat. I started a conversation with On, who was very friendly, but easily more interested in drawing in customers to the bar. Meanwhile Jennifer had started a conversation with Yui, who was teaching her phrases in Thai when I started listening in. Her English prior to work in the bar had come primarily from a Thai-English dictionary, so what Im sharing is what was interpreted from broken English in a loud bar setting.

Sydney and Yui

Married for six years, last year started conflict between her and her husband when he became an alcoholic. Yui made the decision to leave him when it became an issue with her two year old son, Geo. The impression I got was a loving, adoring, protective mother leaving her husband to protect her son. The second night we went to visit Yui at Easy Corner she pulled out her camera and started showing off pictures and videos of Geo, complete with a video of Geo dancing in front of a television playing the ABC song. Her job in the bar was solely for the money to support her son. I believe during the week she was there, she only worked at the bar, never going home with customers. My desire for her was just for her to be able to go back to her parents farm, free to love and raise her son. Two nights before we left Chiang Mai she quit her job and went to visit Geo. I think she ended up going to Bangkok for a job. I dont know if Bangkok holds a life with Geo, her husband or work in a bar. I can only hope that the conversations we had with her, the little bit of love we were able to show during out time with her continues to speak deeply to her heart, past the broken English, loud music and brokenness of lives around her.

Sitting at Cherry Bar with two of the kids watching Princess and the Frog.

Jet Lag and Sunburn

Sun, 20 Feb 2011 00:00:00 GMT

I hope these words make sense, but am highly doubtful since there has been just a slight lack of sleep in the last four days. Five days maybe? Its been quite the travel week. I love the travel and the time with the squad! But am currently ready to sleep for about forty eight hours.

So I am in Nicaragua! We have truly just arrived. Waiting for our first meal in the country before crashing for the night. Heres what our last four or five days have looked like.

Thursday, February 17^th
1200. All of our stuff packed and moved out of the Lighthouse in Chiang Mai, Thailand where we were staying.
2000. Both teams took a songtail (so not how its spelled, but how it sounds) to the bus station
2100. Board the night bus to Bangkok. Enjoy the small lights embedded in the ceiling when they occasionally decide to keep the overhead lights off.

Friday, February 18^th
0700. Bus arrives in Bangkok after a scattered night of sleep.
0730. 13 people in 4 taxis from bus station to Bangkok airport.
Hang out at airport for about 18 hours.

Me on an airplane to somewhere. Kirsten and Salley trying to figure out what day it is. Elle just being Elle. :)

Saturday, February 19^th. The Longest Day of My Life. Literally.
0300. Check in for flight. Havent slept yet, since I decided it would be better to wait for flight.
0545. 6 hour flight from Bangkok to Tokyo.
1340. Arrive in Tokyo. 4 hour layover in Tokyo. 2 hour time difference from Bangkok. Cant remember any details of this layover at this point.
1600. 10 hour flight from Tokyo to LAX. Used Sparky, my stuffed dog, for a neck pillow.
0840. Arrive in LA. What? Ive already seen 8am this same day. 17 hour time difference from Bangkok? Culture shock and confusion at the Welcome home from passport control.
1100. InNOut burger, Santa Monica beach in the rain and fun times with hometown friend. J Thanks, Fur!
1700. Back at LAX. Laugh at the scattered assortment of O squaders sleeping all around two of the boarding gates.
2120. 4 hour plane flight from LA to Miami.

Rose and Alissa in an airport, maybe Bangkok? Alex asleep on some airplane.

Sunday, February 20th. Today? Yes.
0500. Arrive in Miami for 6 hour layover. There was some sleep while laid out on the floor. 1100. 3 hour flight from Miami to Managua, Nicaragua.
1245. Arrive in Managua, Nicaragua. Were on our final continent of the race!
1330? My team and Team Harmony board a flat bed truck for a 2 hour drive to Vision Nicarauga, near Chichigalpa. Sleep on top of backpacks in the back of the truck, warmed by the sun. Pretty sure theres gonna be a sunburn.

Rachael, Justin, Garrett and me in the flatbed. Casey and Tom hiding from the sun.

So I think weve got 23 hours of flying time, approximately 100 total hours of travel time and definitely not enough sleep yet. But were here! Im laying in bed about to pass out, so more on what were doing once I get some sleep.

Quick Update-Thailand

Sun, 6 Feb 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Where - Chiang Mai, Thailand, about 9 hours away from Bangkok by bus.

When - January 26^th through February 18^th.

Who - Team Deep Waters (me, Nathan Boaldin, Justin Jue, Rachael Ratz, Stephanie Webster and Elle Mitchell) and Team Roar (Tyler Thompson, Chad Riley, Sydney Sample, Anna Matthews, Jen Miele, Logan Kaynes and Alissa Rich). Check out their blogs for more stories until I figure out how to cure the lack of blogs.

Why - Ministry with Lighthouse in Action during our ATL (ask the Lord) month of ministry. Each team was given the chance to find their own ministry in Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam, Malaysia or Laos. Teams from our squad are in each of those countries except Cambodia this month. My team is back in Thailand for the month, continuing ministry that another one of our teams was involved with in December.

How - Every night some of our team goes out to Bar Street in Chiang Mai to spend a few hours hanging out with whoever we come across-bar girls, lady boys, bar owners, tourists. Ministry is done entirely through whatever friendships are made.

We'll be heading to Central America on February 19th for our last three countries-Nicaragua, El Salvador and Guatemala. Sorry for the delay in updates, I'm working on getting some more blogs up soon!

Rice Field Bat Spin

Mon, 3 Jan 2011 00:00:00 GMT

So my team, Deep Waters, is finally all together. The boys, Nathan Boaldin and Justin Jue, joined us after their month of Manistry and we joined the squad to travel to Cambodia. There were a few hiccups during our travel days (parentals, there will be a charge on my phone for calling the US Embassy in Cambodia), but we all arrived safely in Pnomh Penh and spread out to our ministry sites.

Deep Waters is working with a ministry in Kampot province in Toch village. Our contact is an amazing man of God. I could come up with several fun ways to write out his name-VTwo, VeeToo, Vetu. Ill leave the pronunciation up to you. I feel like I should write a biography on this guy, but Ill try to mix it in here.

V-Two (Totally in not any way how its spelled-Im sure-but so much fun) runs a ministry in his home village. Coming into his village a few years ago as the only Christian, hes begun a transformation in this place. Right now this ministry is centered around V-Twos parents stilt-house. Within the last couple of years, a church and additional building (currently housing our team) have been added to this glorious in-the-middle-of-nowhere.

Rice fields all around. The harvest season just recently ended, so the dried stalks are cut down to about two feet high. Still, they are gorgeous. Palm trees all around. Its the middle of winter, so although the days can get somewhat hot, the nights are cool. Last night I fell asleep in a tent (thanks for sharing, Elle) staring up at the brilliant stars through the leaves of the palm trees around us.

Our ministry is fairly straightforward. Tuesday through Saturday our schedule involves visiting houses in the village and teaching multiple English classes throughout the day. Honestly, I cant say the idea of teaching excited me. But the chance to spend time with these children who love to smile and laugh Sundays hold Kids Club, church and bible study.

Small picture from one of my favorite moments in this ministry

Last night after Bible Study we were told we were playing a game. So grouped in with the kids, we were broken up into four teams. Four guys stood out in the middle of the rice field holding dried out stalks of palm leaves (they kinda looked like the swords of sword fish). As they began to explain the game in Khmer (the local language), I had to laugh. Bat spin! Run out to the middle of the field one at a time, grab the bat and put your forehead to it, then spin around in a circle five to seven times before running back to your team while attempting to stay upright and in a straight line. Tag the next person and they get to engage in the same craziness.

In the middle of this crazy American game, I had an overwhelming feeling of joy. Watching these children run and play. Turning a rice field into a playground. These 11 and 12 year olds have probably spent months of each year working these fields with their parents. In this moment, they get to play. They get to laugh. They get to feel love poured out on them by these followers of Jesus who have dedicated their lives to this ministry and others.

At the end of this game, I found myself sitting next to Saren. I met her the day before in one of the five English classes of the day. She has a captivating smile and a freedom about her. As we were sitting there, everyone began to gather up their things and jump on their mopeds or bicycles to head home. I started to put on my shoes and get up. Only she stayed sitting. It doesnt take words to understand some things. I sat back down with her and she wrapped her arm around my knee and leaned her head against my arm. We got a few words back and forth. And then pulled in V-Two to help translate. She was sad because she was missing Elizabeth, a girl Ive never met who was recently in the village with a YWAM team. And so we sat there. Exchanged a few sentences. And I ended up surrounded by seven or eight girls from thirteen to sixteen years old. I laughed at one of the questions, reminded that there are many similarities in girls around the world-Do you have a boyfriend? We sat there and laughed at the attempts to talk to one another. Towards the end of the time we had sitting by the rice field, Saren said I love Elizabeth. I love you. God gives an amazing capacity to love. Honestly, having to tell her that I would not be in the village for a few days was hard. I want to be there with her. Maybe just sit next to the rice field with her for a few more minutes. Ill be heading back to Toch soon, knowing that she will remember my name, hoping I can greet her with a huge hug.

Snapshots of Thai Christmas

Sun, 26 Dec 2010 00:00:00 GMT

Merry

Christmas

Stockings hanging in our room made out of Ritz cracker boxes and q-tips

Girls night out to the movies-Chronicles of Narnia

Christmas Caroling

The group from BJD before leaving for Christmas Caroling

Me and Nat practicing a Thai Christmas song

This is the back of one of the trucks we took. Singing all the way!

BJD Family Christmas Party

1) Alessandra, YWAMer from Brazil, and Nat. 2) Beatrice, YWAMer from England.

Our American addition to the feast.

Nid and Nat

1) Michelle, one of the YWAM staff for BJD. 2) Faa.

Dirty Santa in Thailand

Rachael, Elle, Stephanie and me.

Rockin around the Christmas tree...

The boys ending the party with a dance.

English Class Christmas Play-
Thai, American and Russian

Joseph, Mary and baby Jesus played by Charlie, Elle and Sparky.

Joseph, Mary and the three wisemen. I doubled as an angel and wiseman.

The grand finale of a play starring a bunch of Russians and Americans with a Thai audience.

Christmas Banquet on a Soccer Field

Just loading up all the decorations, hundreds of gifts, a Christmas tree and 12 people into the back of a pickup truck.

Elle and Steph making balloon boquets on the soccer field.

The soccer field when we left.

Christmas Day

Rachael blowing up our Christmas tree so it wouldn't fall over.

Deep Waters Christmas Tree:
Sleeping pad. Hemp from the fee pile. Cardboard from Ritz and Special K boxes.

Christmas morning family picture.

Our ministry time here in Thailand is over, although we still get to hang out at BJD for a couple days. Our squad will be gathering here in Bangkok over the next few days. On the 29th we'll be traveling to our next country, Cambodia. So....

Community: not the TV show

Fri, 17 Dec 2010 00:00:00 GMT

Community. Why?

I believe in it. I advocate for it. I desire it in a deeper way than I have before. But often I dont know my motives, my reason. After being asked a couple weeks ago, Ive had time to think about it. Moments of realization.

Most recently, while reading Radical I came across a quote: "The dangerous assumption we unknowingly accept in the American dream is that our greatest asset is our own ability. If were in true community, were able to realize others gifts to a greater degree. It puts me in a position to work with the gifts of others. Maybe my gifts are more powerful when offered to those around me, when I pour them out, than they would be if I kept them to myself and moved forward on my own power.

Another reason I already knew, but am constantly amazed at, is what community did in my life. We didnt label it that. The house. Collegedale girls. Our doors are always open (Sometimes opened by one of multiple spare keys. Sometimes unable to close because they were broken). We were a community-sometimes a dysfunctional one when I decided my goal was to exist and survive with walls securely up-but still a community. Im amazed at how little I realized the value and uniqueness of that while I was in it, especially for me at that time of my life. They surrounded me, loved me, prayed for me, refused to let me stay in my simply-surviving state, protected me, called me out, poured into me even when I gave nothing in return. Honestly, it scares me to imagine where I would be right now without The House or that community.

I believed were called to be a community. No, we dont always have to live with twenty people in a house with no personal claim on anything, or in a team of six where everything is everyonesbut why not? Its easy to live alone, welcome people in whenever but still have claim. Why not physically put myself in a position to live out submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ (Eph 5:21) or sharing each others burdens (Gal 6:2)? And just to knock any pride out of place, it makes me laugh that the very next verse says If you think that you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important.

Realization yesterday-community is a training ground that allows very little room for selfishness. If Im constantly in and aware of the fact that everything I do or dont do will change life for someone else, its probably the best place to practice and live out a selfless faith and life.

In the right place and season, living life with people so closely puts us in a place to receive, to be reminded of who we are, what were here for-a reality check. God speaks through people, and when were surrounded by those who are listening to Him, at times it helps us to hear Him more clearly.

This is an ongoing list. Im still learning new things from living life with people so closely. The ministry we are working with this month is based on it. But more on that soon

BJD: House of One Heart

Fri, 17 Dec 2010 00:00:00 GMT

So, again, three weeks after writing about band aids and hemorrhages, I dont think Ive written a whole lot on ministry lately. There are probably a few reasons for that. One of them is were living this. This is life. We come in, we meet new people and then we do what theyre doing. Usually that means were coming alongside someone and adding a few hands and feet to Gods work. I dont take for granted what an honor it is to be doing this life like this right now. But sometimes I forget that this isnt the norm. Sofor the shortened version, stick with the left hand margin. For details, read between the lines.

This month my team

Deep Waters

is in Bangkok, Thailand

minus our guys, Nathan and Justin since theyre up in Chiang Mai with the Manistry team.

So that means that Elle Mitchell,

our amazing leader for the month, and girl I seriously feel like Ive known longer than six months

Racheal Ratz,

one of the other nurses on the squad, who has gotten me since I dont remember when,

Stephanie Webster,

amazingly sweet and insightful woman Im getting to know in a deeper way that is so awesome

and myself are working with BJD,

Baan Jai Diaow or House of One Heart

during this Christmas season.

(And apparently if you go Christmas caroling in Thailand, you get food at every place you carol.)

BJD is a campus ministry-

think Chi Alpha, Campus Outreach, Campus Crusade,

with the focus of reaching and discipling students on the university campus right across the street

which I know and have seen the name of numerous times but cannot remember right now.

There are about thirty students living in the BJD building

along with BJD YWAM staff, lots of YWAM teams coming through Bangkok, and some World Racers.

The focus here is strongly on building relationships-

which is refreshing and a stark contrast to the wide but shallow faith in many African churches,

and spending time together-

during family time, small group, English class, Girls nights, Christmas caroling, meals

while showing these students what a faith in Christ means and how it is lived out.

Our time here is going by quickly,

as has the last seven months, and Im guessing the next four.

With only a week left of ministry before Christmas gets here.

The fact that Christmas is a week away is another story (or blog) entirely in itself.

So Im here, living life with the girls and guys of BJD, the women of Deep Waters and a sleeping pad Christmas tree.

(There will probably be pics of the Deep Waters Christmas tree in aforementioned blog).

God is working. Were learning. And growing. Praising. Loving. Waiting for more.
Wishing you outpourings of blessings.

Currently Playing

Mon, 13 Dec 2010 00:00:00 GMT

Currently playing: Dont Matter by Akon

Now: Im sitting in our room at BJD (Baan Jai Diaow or House of One) in Bangkok, Thailand during morning prayer with the girls of our Deep Waters team. Right now, Im listening to my theme song playlist. Its a pretty good and entertaining musical compilation of my life since high school (only pre-high school song is Homeschool Girl by B.O.B.).

Its weird to listen to songs that take me back to different places in life-seasons of doubt, hardship, release, victory. And then attempt to look back at the path Ive been on in the last six month of racing the world and recall the places Ive traveled through spiritually. (This is being written as a journal entry right now. Have a feeling its gonna turn into a blog. Still learning vulnerability). Maybe at some point Ill be able to look back and just make a few additions to my theme song playlist to milestone what God has been working in my life. Right now, Im gonna attempt it in words.

Currently playing: Stand in the Rain by Superchick

Training Camp: Walked into training camp after a couple of weeks of God releasing a wrecking ball on my world. Quit work in the ER three weeks early because of plans to travel, fundraise, whatever. Most plans fell through and I was left in a time of Who am I besides ER nurse and what am I supposed to be doing if Im not saving lives? Good place to be. Kinda crazy to walk into the training camp and the World Race with that mentality. Yikes.

Wrecked identity. Asked to lead. KNEW I wasnt gonna be able to lead a team the way I was used to in the middle of being wrecked. God was ok with that, because He wasnt asking me to lead out of the strengths I was used to, but His. Started a crazy, crazy journey to new places.

Currently playing: Wings by Alberto and Kimberly Rivera.

(Pause for prayer and walk down the streetcontinued many hours later).

Currently playing: Wavin Flag by Knaan

I dont think I can figure this out country by country or continent by continent. So in true Beeler bullet point fashion, here are some of the things God has been working in this blessed, crazy, unbelievable reality that has been my life for the last six months.

Authority as a daughter of the King.
Confidence.
Receiving from others.
My selfish tendencies.
Openness and vulnerability-not bad things?
Pouring out whatever I am and have.
Patterns in normal life friendships.
Kingdom.
Conversational relationship with my Daddy.
Blessings in my past I didnt recognize-community, protection, prayer, unconditional love
Dealing with and feeling life, not bottling it up.
Ok is not enough. I was made for more.

Currently Playing: Deeper by Meredith Andrews

Oh brother, Im staring at the list, trying to think of the many other things Im sure I could add and how in the world to explain all of it in more detail than a few word bullet point. A lot of these truths Ive been shown are tied together. Dont think that makes it any easier. So Im leaving this as my bullet point testimony. Let me know which bullet point the next journal entry/blog should expound on.

Currently playing: Not admitting this one. (Jill, Amber, Jenna-think youre the only ones who would get it without a long explanation. Oh nursing school.)

Shake the House

Wed, 8 Dec 2010 00:00:00 GMT

For this is what the Lord of heavens armies says: In just a little while I will again shake the heavens and the earth, the oceans and the dry land. I will shake all the nationsI will fill this place with gloryand in this place I will bring peace.

Haggai 2:6-7

O squad is in Thailand. Physically, weve moved continents and changed teams. Spiritually, were still moving to new places.

For quite a while the idea of a shake up or a shift has been around. It took a while to realize that in the physical world, that meant team changes. (A deck of Costa Rica cards now carries the name of every person on O squad and was used in this decision making process. Dont worry, God had ultimate control). So, Im no long on Team Shiloh. My new home is Team Deep Waters. More on that amazingness soon. Another crazy blessing from this shake-up: Garrett Long Boy McNeill is stepping up to lead O squad with Nathan and I. Love it. Also, more on that later.

Better than team changes, better than a third O squad leader, better than a shake up in the physical world

God is shaking things in our lives and spirits in new ways. Hes moving me out of a fog of focus on myself and into a focus on Him and the things of His glory. Hes shaking up the ideas I have about who I am and letting them settle into who I am in Him. Hes shifting the about me mentality and showing me the sweetness of pouring myself out. Hes breaking up the foundations of what Ive built relationships on in the past and setting a new foundation. Hes untwisting the strengths He gifted me with from the manipulation of how this world has played with them. Hes replacing the frustrations and cries of the wilderness with a new joy and love in Him.

Ya know what? Shaking, moving, breaking, shifting, untwisting, replacingthose may not sound like pleasant things. They may not always feel the best in the moment. But if God can greater use that which is shaken, moved, broken, shifted, untwisted and replaced...bring it! Because I know that His plans are greater. That His love for me is more vast than I can imagine. And in the moments when I throw 5 year old tantrums and ask Why?! He will be there to tenderly speak hope.

But then I will win her back once again. I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her there. I will return her vineyards to her and transform the Valley of Trouble into a gateway of hope.
Hosea 2:14-15

Rising Generation

Wed, 8 Dec 2010 00:00:00 GMT

Tonight was a sweet, sweet time of worship with four World Racers, numerous YWAMers and a dozen Thai students. In the middle of worship, I thought about a question on of the YWAM leaders had asked me.

Sitting down to a community dinner, the eight of us were stationed on our mat, gathered around bowls and plates of Thai food. In the middle of me once again realizing this life were living is not everyones life, she asks, Whats the craziest thing youve seen God do?

Ha. Um. How much time do you have? I can either start a list, or you can let me process and catalog the last six months to come up with the craziest God-moment. Well, I actually took the easy and polite way and simply shared one of the most recent stories of Gods crazy goodness.

And then, worship. One of my favorite songs from our youth group worship team. I start smiling even more than I already was. Overwhelmed at the realization. Loving the life I have the honor to lead right now. Amazed at how Gods glory is displayed in such unexpected ways. Because as I realized what the craziest thing Ive seen is, I also realized what Im being allowed to see is only a small part of it. I see O squad. And for a few minutes, a group from YWAMs base in Maui. But all over the place

I see a generation rising up to take their place with selfless faith.

That is the craziest thing Ive seen God do. Thank you, God, that I have the honor to see O squad rise up

To see the forty some of us move past the normal, go beyond who we thought we could be, and begin to get a glimpse of what it means to truly live solely to bring you glory.
To open our hearts and offer all that we are to one another, not caring if that means we get anything back in return.
To see freedom proclaimed from picnic tables.
To hear worship poured out from the depths of a persons soul.
To listen to stories of redemption proclaimed in kitchens at 0300.
To know that soft words and feel-good thoughts arent enough, but the Words of God that are sought after and spoken over.
To know the comfort and status that has been left behind.
To witness the obedience of coming on this trip and joining in Gods work.
To witness patience and a servants heart modeled minute after minute with such grace people think its a natural thing.
To watch holy tears cried out over drug addicts.
To stand amazed as the quietest one speaks out with authority.
To share in times of grief and be allowed to comfort. To sit in a chair feeling sick as a dog, while someone preaches a sermon they didnt prepare for, just so I can stay sitting.
To hear Your words spoken out in pulpits and huts.
To share life and water bottles, towels and clothes, hearts and testimonies, pillows and food, family and hope, freedom, phones, books, pillows, love, bug spray, patience, chocolate, laughter, sodas, tears, comfort, colds and typhoid and malaria, buses and flights, beds, converters, worship

I see a generation rising up to take their place.

Band Aid on a Hemorrhage

Sun, 28 Nov 2010 00:00:00 GMT

(I was gonna avoid blog overload and just post the most recent one I wrote this morning. Then I realized they are all tied together. So get ready for a trio of blogs! This one was written almost a month ago and got lost in the World Race life of traveling continent to continent.)

They offer superficial treatment

for my peoples mortal wounds

Jer 6:14

I dont think Ive written a whole lot on ministry lately. Maybe because when we label our ministry time, my mind shifts.

On an amazing and impactful trip to Honduras in 07, our impact in the week we ministered was equated to putting a band aid on a hemorrhage. (Oh yeah, this was a medical trip so the analogy was well-accepted and added plenty of imagery for all of us.)

Hemorrhage: Excessive discharge of blood from the blood vessels; profuse bleeding. A copious loss of something valuable.

Im not gonna lie. Its been a struggle for me to be fully engaged in ministry. Body and head there, sure. Although at times this month while I was with my team, getting my body there was a struggle due to sickness. But part of it, besides my physical sickness, was a heart posture a little offset from ministry.

Most of the time I have no problem seeing the affect of what this year is about with the lives of those on O squad. Im with them. I speak their language. I fight for showers and bed space and room to change with them. I see and hear the amazing works God is doing in their life day in and day out. Its insane, so exciting, so God.

During our ministry time though, I think my heart has been studying this hemorrhage of a world a bit more. Its been wondering, searching and asking-in the middle of daring for more-what more looks like and what more I can do without offering superficial treatment for mortal wounds

I have this picture in my head-well, two actually. One from Scrubs where J.D. is standing in the middle of the hospital, eyes closed, trying to massage the chaos out of his head while everyone is flowing, running, moving around him. (Season 1-too impatient to find an image online).

The second mental picture is me standing in the middle of a trauma room (not a good place to be standing still) while everyone else is moving on with their role-IV in the right AC, BP and HR check, pt on the monitor, warm blankets, fluidsAnd for the moment, Im standing. Waiting to figure out how to jump in when I feel like all Im holding is a band-aid for a hemorrhage.

Tanzania Pics

Sat, 27 Nov 2010 00:00:00 GMT

Here are a few links for some pictures in facebook albums.

Tanzania

Sailing Indian Ocean

Life is Good

Fri, 26 Nov 2010 00:00:00 GMT

How am I doing? I got asked this sometime today and realized I didnt have a good answer at the time. So I went and hung out by the bonfire, played with Scooby (the dog) and wrote out some stuff in my journal.

I am

Energized. Its good being here. I enjoyed time traveling across Tanzania, being with other teams, sleeping in different beds, hanging out on a sailboat.

Empowered. Not as hesitant about my role or what needs to happen. Undoubtedly I need to spend more time on my face before God. But stuff is going to happen.

Curious. Team changes and how theyre accepted. Asia and what its going to be like. Debrief, leaders, worship, team debriefs-how they are going to go and what God is going to do.

Longing. I want to be in a deeper place with God, more the idea of God holding me with His hand in deep waters, or being under the waterfall, or steady in the middle of the storm. I havent been doing a whole lot to pursue that. Needs to happen.

Joyful. Definitely more than recently. Its easier to smile and laugh right now. Theres more of a lightness, definitely not what I expected to be around come time to make team decisions or plan debrief.

Excited. As this shift happens in our squad, I feel a shift happening in me. Realization that theres more than just the next 5 months in store. Theres more revelation, freedom, depth.